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Another classic piece from Suli Breaks, lyrics in full after the jump…
The Toilet Seat
I honestly believe women have an innate nature to want to fix things that can not be fixed. And to help explain this exactly,
I provide this analogy.
Now in my house there is a toilet,
Well, as there is in most houses.
Now this toilet upstairs, doesn’t have a toilet seat.
Not because it has been effected by any great disaster.
Neither did it implode, when i sat on it after depositing on of my mum’s pastas.
Neither was it forced out of action after one of cousins legendary transactions.
It’s just broken!!
And no matter however, whatever you do to fix it.
It just breaks again.
Now my mother, spends quite some time away.
She knows of this toilet seat and she knows how we spend most of the nights feeling the cold of the toilet bowl!!
But almost every time she pays me a visit,
she insists that we must fix it.
And this frustrates me to no end.
I am like, why are you going to fix it.
If it is only just going to be broke again.
Is there really a resolution, in this temporary solution,
or are women just content with the illusion.
SULI BREAKS (V.O.)
And I say women, because my sister moved in for a couple of weeks,
And you know how many seats we had to buy during that time 3!!
And you know who had to fix it each time me!! And everytime I said I wouldnt go it again, they would continue to plea.
Then my grandma moved in and it was exactly the same, my older sister and girlfriend would do nothing but complain.
And everytime I would resist,
they would insist.
And I would say, why are you going to fix it, if it is just going to break AGAIN!! Their responses:
It’s doesn’t look nice like that,
Atleast it will look good when other people see it.
It just makes me feel more comfortable.
How can you not have a toilet seat?
And after all this just so they wouldn’t bother me, I would walk down to Ikea, Morrison or Wilkinson to buy a new one.
Now one day, a couple months ago,
I finally found the courage to confront my mum, after requesting that I buy another seat for the 3rd time on her most recent trip.
I said, I said mum “I’m not buying another GOD DAMN SEAT and thats it!!!!
She pulled me to the side, and you know what she said,
“Suli, you see this seat here, I have tried everything to fix it, I’ve bought the wooden seats, I’ve bought the plastic seats, I’ve bought the metal seats, I’ve even bought the see-though seats with the little fishes inside it and none of it stuck.
So you know what I did?
I called a plumber here and you know what he said?”
He said that the shape of the bowl has become so worn over the years that no matter what seat you put on it it would not have fitted, and it’s just getting worse.
The only conclusion would have been to remove the seat in it’s entirety and get a new one.
And Suli, do you no why I don’t that, because in my years of knowing toilets, that know know matter what you do, no matter what seat you get, no matter what seat you attach to it.
Suli, it’s a toilet and it will always just be full of shit!!